I wrote this post on March 20, 2018: the day Melanie’s grandfather Chesley, passed away.
I dedicate this post in his memory.
Feeling Better Now
If there is a certain time of day that anxiety has an advantage over me, it’s early in the mornings. Let’s say I have a doctor’s appointment or something that isn’t a normal part of my daily routine, there is always potential for anxiety to show up to some degree. Well, that’s what happened this morning.
At about 7AM, Melanie returned a missed phone call from her sister. The news was that Chesley passed away. I had been partially awake, so I heard most of the conversation between them. The time had come and although there were some hints that it could be soon, it’s still mind-numbing in that moment.
As the morning progressed, I could sense the anxiousness rising, slowly. The thoughts of how the next few days were going to play out worried me. Knowing how closely-knit that Melanie’s family is, especially to Chesley, I wondered nervously at what the experience would bring. It was another day that unfolded much like in my previous post, where everything just started to happen and it seemed like there was little time to process the news. The morning quickly became a whirlwind of preparations to pack and a 3 hour drive to our new destination.
The unfolding of events and quick changes of plan created a sense of losing control within me, which in turn, rose my anxiety levels. I quickly remembered my last 3 hour drive in which I was battling anxiety for most of the trip. How was I possibly going to make it through another one of those rides?
Meanwhile, while I was in the bedroom packing, Melanie and Mason were on the couch in the living room. Melanie was telling Mason how we had to get ready to go to Garnish. She proceeded to remind him that poppy Chesley was sick and wasn’t going to get better. He was now gone to Heaven to be with God and he was now an angel who would watch over him.
Mason pondered for a second and responded to Melanie with an understanding beyond his short years.
Melanie came into the bedroom afterwards and said that she had to tell me what Mason just said to her. I was already in the middle of an anxiety wave when she came in. She started to tell the story and I was already filling up. Melanie told me that Mason responded to her with these words:
“Poppy is in heaven with God. He’s feeling better now.”
I was in tears. It was the release that I needed though. I hugged Melanie. We were just so happy and proud of how he was able to come to such a conclusion all on his own.
Mason’s simple, yet powerful response was a reminder of the real truth that was hidden amongst my anxiety. The truth is that despite the sadness we have for no longer having him with us on this Earth, we have the opportunity of being surrounded by family and friends to celebrate his life. A life that was devoted to God.
Chesley is now in Heaven with God. It’s fortunate for us as believers in God and Heaven that this is not goodbye. Instead, this is a see you again soon. It’s hard not to feel at ease knowing that he is no longer suffering or in pain.
Its like Mason said… He’s feeling better now.
…And now, so am I.
Thanks again Mason.