I wish that I was more like Mason. I don’t mean that I want to be 3 years old again, or even that I wish I was younger. I just really need to be more like him…
Since 2006, I have been coping with an anxiety disorder. There are times when life circumstances trigger an episode of intense anxiety, and other times, it can feel as though its random. For me, the symptoms usually involve nausea and strong feelings of fear. As time passed, the frequency decreased and I began to feel that I was gaining more control over this anxiety. But these past few weeks, it’s been showing up more frequently. What’s worse, is that I don’t even really know why. It seems that I am constantly at a near-tipping point, and something that is normally insignificant has a bigger impact, and causes anxiety.
One of the most comfortable places I have found over the years is sitting behind the drums at church. It has always been a sort of safe haven for me. But just a few weeks ago, I was in the middle of a song that I was singing/playing and I felt it. Creeping. In my 12 years of experience with anxiety, it’s pretty-near impossible to switch it off once it starts. Even harder still when it invades your safe haven. I remember feeling afraid, followed by slight nauseousness, and then weakness as if I was going to faint. That weakness was a new feeling that I had never experienced in a panic attack before. I had to get to a new safe place, so I got up and went out…
Again, the following Sunday, I was singing/playing and the same experience happened again, but somehow this time I managed to ride out the symptoms. I’m still not sure how I didn’t pass out (haha).
“But Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.’ “
– Matthew 19:14 NLT
“The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children”. I now know what that means. Have you ever thought about how babies and toddlers live life? Anxiety doesn’t exist. There is no concern over the future. They live in the moment. They can get scared or frightened, but what happens when that event has passed? It’s erased. Babies and toddlers don’t hold grudges or hold onto anger. Whenever I upset Mason because I tell him he can’t have something or I scold him for doing something he shouldn’t, he will be upset or sad. But he doesn’t hold on to it. In a matter of minutes, we could be playing a game or I could be getting a hug. It’s forgotten.
This is what Jesus meant in this verse. There will be times of trouble in life, but we need to trust that God is in control and to try not to worry about life’s storms that happen.
This is how we are supposed to live. Like these little children…