(Below is the first chapter that I wrote on Facebook. However, I have added new details that were not in the Facebook post. Enjoy!)
A New Beginning
On October 16, 2014, Melanie and I were blessed with a perfect [to us :)] little boy. He has already stolen our hearts, as well as the hearts of our family. However, little does Mason know, he has played a major part in a drastic positive change in my life that I have been trying for years to figure out…
On the morning of Mason’s birth, needless to say, I was nervous. We arrived at the hospital at 7:15AM. We had Mason at 11:18AM. The absolute breaking point of my anxiety hit me when the doctors placed a contently sleeping Mason in my arms. He’s here…I am responsible for him…I can’t do this…I’ve never been in this situation before… Whatever possible scary thoughts I could conjure up, I was doing it and not able to control it.
I went home from the hospital the next morning in the hopes of finding some way to cope with my feelings and worries. I had some very encouraging conversations with a couple of special people (you know who you are!) while I was home. The encouragement helped ease some of the worries that I had been thinking about. However, there was still a lingering anxiety that felt that it could erupt at any time. I couldn’t stand to be away from Melanie and Mason, but my anxiety was trying to tell me that it was just fine. After some conversations with a few family members, I had finally been persuaded to see our family doctor to get a temporary prescription for anxiety medication. It was a decision that I felt strongly against.
I remember taking the medication and instantly felt the anxiety symptoms leave. I was left with a feeling of ‘normal nervousness’. To be honest, it was a relief since that wasn’t something I’ve felt in a long time.
I decided to go back to the hospital. I was still nervous despite the medication, but able to think clearly and more positive about the situation. When I arrived in the hospital room where Melanie was, I insisted on holding Mason. The moment I did, I saw a peacefully sleeping, content little guy that instantly removed all feeling of nervousness and worry that I had. I can only compare it to watching a campfire. It was therapeutic. I was completely relaxed at the sight and warmth of him.
I realize today as I write this, that Melanie and I chose the perfectly suited name for our little guy, Mason. The name, Mason, as a verb means ‘to build from or strengthen with stone’. I had no idea that such a little person could have such a strengthening impact within my own personal life, both physically and mentally.
I personally still have a personal disagreement of taking medication on a regular basis for my anxiety. With that said, there have been times when I have decided to take anxiety medication, even in more recent days, for immediate relief. It’s important for anyone that may be reading this who has their own struggle with anxiety the simple fact that medication, when used responsibly, may be a necessary solution (whether it be temporary or permanent)to help cope with their anxiety.
Thanks for reading! God bless!